Reflection

Eastern Shores, VA.  One of Andrew's best friends got married at a beautiful bed & breakfast here, on a quaint inlet of the Chesapeake.  Andrew was a groomsman and we witnessed their moving, meaningful and poignant nuptials, both reflecting on our own a mere few months prior.  They say the first year of marriage is the hardest ... even the first few months have proven to be challenging.  My last two blog entries were about the peaks of our relationship milestones, but in the in-between -- "in the meantime" -- there are valleys you dip into, plateaus you endure and straight up sheer cliffs you fall off of from time to time.  And these are the times when you have to face things, walk the plank, stare at your own reflection ... and deal.

This dock, complete with boat the groomsmen arrived on, jutted out from the wedding location into calm serenity with the most picturesque landscape where sky met woods met water.  I wandered out here late at night, while guests reveled in the tent up on the hill behind me.  I may have been warmed by too much wine and I teetered unsteadily in my heels, but I made it out to the end of that pier and back.  The cloak of darkness did not magnify my fear; rather, it hid from me how narrow the dock truly was, how precarious the planks were nailed together, unevenly spaced slats, some gaping inches apart where  one misstep of my impractical shoe would have sent me splashing into the water.

Revisiting the pier the next day, I was shocked to see how far apart and perilous the planks were positioned.  In daylight -- in sneakers, no less -- I was shaky, unsure of my steps, staring down, anxious with the anticipation of falling, of losing it, of not making it.  The night before, it was literal blind faith as I didn't waver from looking straight ahead, and put one foot in front of the other.  That was the difference in my confidence, my determination, my security in surviving the task at hand.

Once at the end of the dock, I remember tossing a stone or shell in - it caused a ripple, concentric circles of confusion, a chaotic dizzying motion to the still beauty and calm.  All of a sudden, the reflection was not identical, nothing mirrored, nothing perfectly matched.  The ripple broke the reverie for a moment ... but it eventually returned.  In life, we cause ripples in our relationships, that ruin the reflection of who we thought we were, who we thought we could be -- to ourselves, to our families and friends, to our spouse.  The ripple affects everything and nothing at the same time, because it is just that - a mere drop in the water that with time and patience and faith, will return to normal.     

A few days ago, a friend of mine who had endured much tragedy in her life, said to me "I wouldn't choose it ... but I wouldn't change it."  Even the ripples taught her so much of who she was, who her husband was, and how they, as a couple, could survive anything, together.  The phrase "still waters run deep" has both positive and negative connotations.  Seeing this view made me think that even the most placid, peaceful calm exteriors have the deepest emotions and collective experiences beneath the surface.

And on our surface, we have only been married a few months.  But every day, I learn about, grow from and marvel at the depth of character of our relationship.

Our Wedding - May 20th, 2011

As a television producer and lighting director in Hollywood, we knew we wanted our wedding to be dramatic, cinematic and unforgettable.  But unlike our industry, we didn't want anything to be too flashy, showy or over-the-top. In Hollywood, everything is about appearances and we wanted our wedding to be more about substance.  It was important to us to infuse our personalities into the whole celebration -- who we are as individuals as well as who we are as a couple.  Here is the story of how we created and directed our best production yet:  we had a limited budget and a tight schedule (ONLY TWO MONTHS!!) but what we accomplished was award-winning...or at least, worthy of a nomination.  

All my life, I thought I'd have an ultra-glam Sex and the City wedding.  But, when Carrie Bradshaw marries a granola Grizzly Adams type, a couple must compromise.  Whereas I tend to lean towards Louboutins, Andrew is always barefoot.  I thrive in the urban jungle, he is at peace in nature.  But we BOTH love our families, friends -- and dogs -- AND we both love entertaining at home.  So much so, that Andrew's gourmet foodie tendencies earned him nicknames like "Chef Mandrew" and, yes, believe it or not, "Martha Stewart" during our weekly dinners and BBQs.

Our city mouse/country mouse blend found the perfect setting at the Santa Margarita Ranch on California's Central Coast.  Our ceremony site was a lush green garden lawn, we wed beneath a huge oak tree, the ranch was peppered with dozens of majestic trees - making the setting look like something from Middle-Earth, truly other-worldly.  The symbolism of the tree was not lost on us; since I was a child, my father often gave toasts and prayers at holidays about the importance of a family having "strong roots."  Wedding beneath an oak tree represented these strong roots in the foundation of our family and friends, the trunk was the unwavering support system, the branches the constant shelter and protection of our loved ones.  The tree became our wedding logo.  

  

Our reception took place in the Ranch's historic barn.  The building dated back to the 1700s and was the site of the meeting place between two missions, Mission San Luis Obispo and Mission San Miguel.  With its breathtaking stone walls, lofted ceilings and rich history, we knew the barn would be the perfect meeting place between our families as well.  It was the perfect place to pull off our "ballroom in a barn." 

Andrew and I wanted a quintessential California wedding, from the cuisine to the decor to the activities.  We wanted casual elegance, a vintage vibe without being too hipster, organic elements without being too cliche.  The personalized touches were paramount to us, and as such, we worked day and night with our dream team of wedding vendors and paid painstaking attention to every last detail.  

Ranch/Ceremony/Train Ride:

*Marquee - The Ranch had an old marquee, initially belonging to the Santa Barbara Theater.  We were able to put up a personalized message with the phrase "Action! Comedy! Drama!  Our Wedding Starring Tess & Andrew" and instead of "The End..."  it said "The Beginning..."

 *Guests were treated to rides around the 14,000 acre ranch on a steam engine train, from the original Disneyland Railroad, the only train cars ever removed from the park!

*Our friend created a "Just Married" pennant made of burlap flags to hang on the back of the train as we boarded and disembarked.

*a bluegrass/rock band to surprise the groom with his favorite songs 

*handmade signs thruout the location: "Wedding" "Ceremony" "Reception" "Eat Drink Be Married"  "Next Stop: Happily Ever After" (groom and groom's family painted these, particularly his artist mother; in fact, groom was assembling signs morning of the wedding, hammering and drilling pieces of lumber together)

*little wooden barn like a birdcage - opens up for cards (groom's mother painted/decorated)

*rings - bride tied her parents' wedding/engagement rings to handle of bouquet

*veil - belonged to bride's friend who died in a car accident almost three years ago

*doggie processional/"Best Four-Legged Men" in the program; dogs wore matching gold/ivory bridal collars and leashes made by one of the bride's best friends, a "Canine Escort"

Cocktail Hour:

*Signature Drinks: Mandrewtini & The Bridal Julep

*TypeWriter/"Recipes" Table - instead of a traditional guest sign-in book, guests left their "recipe for a happy marriage" typed on a vintage typewriter and put them in an antique case

*Unique Grand Intro -bridal party and bride & groom disembarked off the train in front of the barn

*giant group shot of all guests in front of barn

*misc. signs/quotes thruout - favorites of the bride from love songs, Broadway musicals, the Bible, etc.

Reception/Dessert:

*family style dinner with gourmet comfort food

*long rectangular feasting tables, tables in shape of a giant U with right angles

*chalkboard table numbers in vintage distressed gold frames

*window-pane seating chart

*Cake Toppers - groom's mother made another heartfelt personal piece of artwork and created clay likenesses of our two dogs as the cake toppers

*Photo Display - we printed out almost 200 photos, collected from friends/family from special occasions and weddings of their own.  Displayed on large decorative wrought-iron/metal concentric circles and large wooden hitching posts with clothespins and twine.  Large sign near display that read "YOU ARE MY FAMILY" in a vintage gold distressed frame.  Guests enjoyed finding pics of themselves.

*Andrew made a lighting "gobo" so our tree logo and monogram could be projected via light onto the exterior of the barn, the interior walls and dance floor as well

*instead of a traditional dessert table, we opted for a Cold Stone Creamery ice cream bar, our favorite dessert

*and the one request the groom absolutely declared a "must-have" --  a campfire/firepit with all the s'mores fixings in monogrammed bags with the tree logo!

Check out more details about our wonderful wedding day from our amazing vendors:

http://www.lovepaperpaint.com/2011/06/ranch-wedding-sneak-peek.html

http://vimeo.com/24690429

http://www.baumanweddings.com/05201111

I spent most of the night dancing under crystal chandeliers with my girlfriends, he spent most of it outside under the stars by the fire with the guys, his feet in the dirt.  But we always found our way back to each other.  

Wrapped up in each other's arms, witnessing our two worlds collide, we enjoyed our guests grinning that the celebration was like every weekend we host in our backyard -- except bigger and better!  We realized we had successfully produced our "happily ever after."  One princess' castle is another bride's barn.  The Beginning...

Videography by Joe Park and Heather Elise of

http://www.joeparkweddings.com

Stationary/Artwork/Design by Katie Jamieson Gaines of

http://eitak.com/index2.html

http://lovepaperpaint.com/

Photography by Jared Bauman and Eder Escamilla of 

http://www.baumanphotographers.com/  

http://www.baumanweddings.com/

Wedding Planner/Event Producer, Jessica Gillon, John Gillon and Marjeri Smith of

http://eventsbydesign.com/